Holding vs. Retreating

Holding onto something for a long period of time is exhausting! Even holding onto something small for a prolonged period of time requires a lot of strength and endurance. I have faced the fact that I am not that strong. Sometimes I find myself trying to hold onto God, staying focused on Him and being aware of His presence, in my own strength and end up exhausted and frustrated. In a world that constantly tries to pull my attention away the mere effort of holding on overwhelms me. I remember on one particularly difficult day I cried out to God in weariness, “God, I need you.” And His answer “Natalie, I am here.  You are not holding onto me; I am holding onto you.” led me to re-examine my approach to how I was staying focused on God.  I’m not to “hold down the fort” I am to retreat into “The Fort”.  God was to be my Refuge.

So that led me to ask two questions. What is a refuge? And then a refuge from what?

A refuge is a place of protection, shelter, and safety. A refuge would be all of that whether you believed it or not but you wouldn’t go into a refuge unless you believed it to be safe and to do so you would have to trust that it was.  Trust is critical. What is trust? Webster’s defines it as: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.  Do I trust God that He is always holding onto me as He says in Hebrews 13?

“Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” Hebrews 13:5 (emphasis mine)

So believing this, when I feel anything pulling me away from God I don’t try to hold on in my own strength, I just turn to God and run into Him and He is my Refuge. I can do this with a prayer as simple as, “God, I need you.” or “God, I love you.” I must exercise that child-like faith that trusts in my Loving Parent to protect and help me. He is my refuge.

Refuge from what?

So many things! But here are a few that I have discovered most recently:

Overthinking. One time when I had been churning a problem over and over in my mind trying to figure it out and was exhausting myself, I told God I didn’t want to think about it anymore and He told me to think about Him instead and that He was my Mental Refuge.

Worry & Anxiety. No matter the problem I can run to Him knowing that He has the answer, that I no longer have to take care of myself but that He has taken over that responsibility and all I need to do is listen, obey and trust.

Emotional Pain.  Broken heart, hurt feelings, or even over sensitivity, I can retreat to God who will always love me, accept me, comfort me, heal me and teach me.  

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement)” 2 Corinthians 1:3

He is my Source of every comfort!

Criticism and Judgment. Whether from myself or from others when I face criticism I can turn to God knowing He loves, accepts and understands me and He alone knows my heart.  If there is correction to be done God will surely do it, but I don’t need to criticize myself and I don’t need to listen to others who would do likewise, and when that happens I can find refuge in God knowing that loves and understands me.

The most beautiful example that I’ve read of God as a refuge is the story of Stephen in Acts when he was being stoned.

“But he, full of the Holy Spirit and controlled by Him, gazed into heaven and saw the glory (the splendor and majesty) of God, and Jesus standing at God’s right hand; And he said, Look! I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing at God’s right hand!” Acts 7:55-56

My challenge is to retreat into God as my refuge; to do as Stephen did and fix my gaze upon Him. Not holding in my strength but retreating into His. God, thank you for being my Refuge.

Can I do this?

As I am challenged daily to not conform to this world but to be renewed in my mind and be like Christ the question is raised.  Can I be spiritual? Can I love with God’s love? Can I die to my own desires and selfishness and live for God and His will and heart? Can this be done? And can I, of all people, do it?

The disciples asked a similar question in Matthew 19, after Jesus was describing the difficulty a rich man would have in entering the kingdom the disciples responded this way, “The disciples were staggered. ‘Then who has any chance at all?’ Jesus looked hard at them and said, ‘No chance at all if you think can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.’” Matthew 19:25-26 The Message

And there is the answer to the question. Can I do it? Absolutely not. But God in me can.

Colossians 1:27-28 says:

“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” ESV (emphasis mine)

This verse shows me that the only way I can ever realize “the hope of glory”, ever become “mature in Christ” is through Christ in me.  I must cooperate with His leading, repent of my sin, and draw close to Him but the power to do it is His alone and I must “trust God to do it” as Jesus says in Matthew 19.

So what is my part then? How do I obey what God tells me to do? How did Jesus do this? Hebrews 5:7-8 gives us this answer:

^“In the days of His flesh [Jesus] offered up definite, special petitions [for that which He not only wanted but needed] and supplications with strong crying and tears to Him Who was [always] able to save Him [out] from death, and He was heard because of His reverence toward God [His godly fear, His piety, in that He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father]. Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered.”

He prayed and asked the Father for everything and trusted Him to do it. Indeed, He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father. And when I do that, the question about what I can or cannot do becomes irrelevant. What is relevant, what matters, is God; spending time with Him and trusting Him to do what only He can do. And that is my challenge. Romans 8:5-8 puts it this way:

“Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.” The Message

I am challenged to just focus on God and trust Him knowing that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Note: I think it is a very important part to remember that even Jesus learned obedience through what He suffered, and there is so much more in Hebrews 5:7-8 than what I touched on but that is a different challenge altogether!

The Key to Awareness

One major goal I have in my life is to live in the awareness of God’s presence. It is one thing that I regularly ask Him for and about. Lately, He has been telling me that the key to awareness is stillness. I have heard the scripture, “Be still and know that I am God” so many times but never really grasped the practical application of it. I would often interpret this to mean I should cease from talking and try to make my mind blank and just know that He was God.  But I have learned to think of it much more as Psalm 131 describes:

“Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty; neither do I exercise myself in matters too great or in things too wonderful for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me [ceased from fretting]. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever.”

I have meditated a lot on this short chapter. And God has shown me that one of my biggest interruptions from commune with Him has been an overactive mind. My mind can race a thousand different ways in a short amount of time if allowed and will leave me little time to be still and be aware that God is here right now, right in this moment. And never more so than when I’m trying to figure out a problem. I can reason things out in my mind until I make myself nearly ill. And that is how I apply the first verse of this chapter;

“Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty; neither do I exercise myself in matters too great or in things too wonderful for me.”

I cease from reasoning. I cease from trying to figure everything out on my own and know that God alone is God and He is the One who has it figured out. It’s too lofty and too wonderful for me and I must not be so haughty and of full of pride as to think I can figure it out on my own. In this area too I must be still.

Another obstacle has been my emotions; bad ones such as feelings of anxiety or fear. And even good emotions unbalanced can cause your mind to be so busy that you don’t hear God such as excitement, anticipation, etc.

“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me [ceased from fretting].”

So I am learning, that when my emotions are raging to take a moment to calm and quiet my soul. How? The best way I have found is through prayer, thanksgiving and trust.

“O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever.”

I place my hope in God because I trust Him. I know His character, I know His love and I assuredly know His goodness. And so I pray.

Phillipans 4:6-7 says this;

“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (bold mine)

I must pray, I must thank God and then I must trust. I must trust in His goodness, His wisdom, His sovereignty and His love. It’s simple, not always easy, but always doable when I ask God for help and do it through Christ Jesus. So even when I am hurt I remind myself that God loves me, and I trust Him that He is working everything into something good in my life because He has told me He is.

My challenge today is from 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.”

I am challenged to be still in every situation and know that He is God.

Expecting Perfection

For years I believed God expected perfection and as a result started expecting it myself. It made me hard, critical, and judgmental.  Yet, those were not attributes of God.  At the end of Matthew 11 there are beautiful verses that talk of ease and refreshment and relief for our souls if we come to Jesus. The verses also speak of God being gentle, not hard, harsh, sharp or pressing. His offer stands in stark contrast to religion. Religion expects a perfect performance; God looks for a perfect heart.  

I learned my expectation for perfection was causing much damage. When I expected my circumstances to be perfect, I would complain when they weren’t. When I expected people to be perfect, I would become critical and judgmental when they weren’t. And when I would expect perfection from myself, I would open the door for the devil to poor on the condemnation and the guilt.

This expectation of perfection was one of the major stumbling blocks in my way to intimacy with God. I remember when God told me as I would struggle to achieve a perfect performance and then harshly criticize myself when I failed, “I am not a tyrant.” And then, “I am not the accuser of the brethren.”   As I experienced His true character and I started learning about the awesome facets of His personality this became one of the most comforting truths I knew.  He would encourage me, cheer me on, support me, expect the best out of me, and comfort me. He is my biggest fan and adores me.  He does not look for fault in me. He gave me His righteousness and that is how He sees me. He has sympathy with my humanity,

“For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. “ Hebrews 4:15 (emphasis mine)

He doesn’t expect me to be something besides human. He wants me to surrender, to grow, to become more like Christ but He knows this is a process and while the process is going on He is looking at my heart and is pleased with me.  Matthew 5:48 says this:

“You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect.” AMPLIFIED

GROWING; it’s a process. And God is cheering us on and encouraging us the whole way; looking at our heart, being proud of our progress, not focusing on our faults or expecting a perfect performance.  

  Correcting us? Yes. Criticizing us? Never.  One of my favorite chapters of the Bible says this:

“He has not dealt with us after our sins nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great are His mercy and loving-kindness toward those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father loves and pities his children, so the Lord loves and pities those who fear Him [with reverence, worship, and awe].  For He knows our frame, He [earnestly] remembers and imprints [on His heart] that we are dust.” Psalm 103:10-14

I love the last part! He knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust. And that is my challenge today. To remember my frame. I am human. And I must not expect myself to perform perfectly. Instead, my expectation should be on the goodness of God to forgive me, cleanse me, restore me and love me unconditionally.  I must not expect perfection from my circumstances, or from people, but in humility learn to be content with my circumstances, and love people, knowing that God uses imperfection to create the perfection I desire in me, to create the fruit of the spirit; love,  humility, patience, long-suffering, faithfulness, joy, goodness, and self control.  As you have done so many times, Holy Spirit, please continue to remind me of this as You work your fruit in my life.  Amen.

 

Guard your heart

“And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect).” Matthew 22:37 AMP

“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.”  Proverbs 4:23

The one thing God requires in order to have close fellowship is passion, to be wanted more than anything else.  Jeremiah 29:13 states, “Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “ If you want to have intimacy with God you must be passionate about it.

Not too long ago I noticed my own passion waning. Alarmed, I asked God what the problem could be! Where was my hunger, my desire, to spend time with Him? God told me, that in my case, it had been a lack of focus, spending too much time pursuing other things, being entertained, and not enough time drawing away to be alone. I had simply become too full of the cares of life, and this world and therefore had no hunger for anything else. Since then, God has continued to speak to me about guarding my heart.

Besides just being too busy and not drawing away mentally to be aware of His presence, and developing a distracted heart, God has shown me that my heart can become divided as well when I hold on to an unsanctified desire. It is ever so easy to accept Jesus as savior but so much more challenging to accept Him as lord. Yet, we can’t do one without the other.  1 John 2:6b states that “This is the only way to be sure we’re in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived” (The Message) And what kind of life did Jesus live? 

John 5:30 makes it clear, “I am able to do nothing from Myself [independently, of My own accord—but only as I am taught by God and as I get His orders]. Even as I hear, I judge [I decide as I am bidden to decide. As the voice comes to Me, so I give a decision], and My judgment is right (just, righteous), because I do not seek or consult My own will [I have no desire to do what is pleasing to Myself, My own aim, My own purpose] but only the will and pleasure of the Father Who sent Me.”

When God tells me, “don’t buy that now”, or “this relationship isn’t right for you” or “wait for my timing on this” I have decision to make. Am I going to live the life that Jesus lived and seek only God’s pleasure or am I going to allow my heart to become divided as I value my own will more? We all have desires, and not every desire is wrong, but it is wrong when God tell us to wait, it is wrong when we want this desire above pleasing God. 


My challenge today is from Psalm 119:9-10 “How shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed and keeping watch [on himself] according to Your word [conforming his life to it]. With my whole heart have I sought You, inquiring for and of You and yearning for You; Oh, let me not wander or step aside [either in ignorance or willfully] from Your commandments.”  My challenge today is to guard my heart and lay aside my will to seek God’s. Please help me, Holy Spirit.

I love you

When I say that what do I mean? “I hold you in deep regard”? Even that would be better than what is usually meant, “I feel emotions of affection for you.” But the question that every heart that has ever experienced human “love” is afraid to ask is, “What happens when those feelings are gone?” Many spend lifetimes trying to nurture those feelings believing that once the emotion is gone so is the love. It’s a cruel master human love.

Proverbs 20:6 asks the question every single person has asked at one time or another, I certainly have,  “Many a man proclaims his own loving-kindness and goodness, but a faithful man who can find?” (AMP) I read that and I wonder is there such a thing as love without faithfulness? Because generally speaking, we humans say, “I love you” and the “until” is silent but always implied. “I love you…until you stop making me feel special.” “I love you…. until my schedule is too busy”, “I love you… until the emotions are gone”, or my personal struggle, “I love you…. until you hurt my feelings”.  I have to face it, human love is cheap and fickle and always comes with a long list of conditions to satisfy it that are impossible for any human to consistently meet,  because “human love”, my "love" is not real love at all.

Everything I know about true love I learned from God. Every experience with it has come from Him. He taught me that real love is a commitment not a fancy. It is a commitment to do what is the best for the other person, to stick by them, to forgive them always, to give of yourself;  your time and your resources to them knowing that they will hurt and disappoint you, but making a commitment that even knowing that you are still going to be kind and choose to love them anyway. That is how God has always loved me.  And the one thing I came to realize is, when it comes to truly loving someone I can't. See, we don’t love “like God” loves; we love with God’s love.  But in order to do that we must first receive that love from Him.

When I receive it and allow it to fill me by dwelling in His presence and spending time on purpose thinking about His love,  then I reciprocate it back to Him, and then to others around me and I learn to love with His love. Once you experience it, really experience it, you understand the debt of love you have for others.  Every Christian is to be a carrier of His love.

I Corinthians 13 gives us many facets of love, and none of them has an “until” attached to it; in fact the first part of 13:8 reads. “Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]”, there are no conditions on God’s love. He ALWAYS loves us. And when I love with His love, I love you because He loves you and I love Him, because He loves me. Always.

My challenge today is to love with God's love. My awesome privilege is to spend time basking in that love, focusing on it, living in conscience awareness of it, and in so doing let it fill me so that I may love others truly with God's love.  I pray that we may all accept the challenge and embrace the privilege. God fill us with Your love.


[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and  become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!
Ephesians 3:19 Amplified