Holding vs. Retreating

Holding onto something for a long period of time is exhausting! Even holding onto something small for a prolonged period of time requires a lot of strength and endurance. I have faced the fact that I am not that strong. Sometimes I find myself trying to hold onto God, staying focused on Him and being aware of His presence, in my own strength and end up exhausted and frustrated. In a world that constantly tries to pull my attention away the mere effort of holding on overwhelms me. I remember on one particularly difficult day I cried out to God in weariness, “God, I need you.” And His answer “Natalie, I am here.  You are not holding onto me; I am holding onto you.” led me to re-examine my approach to how I was staying focused on God.  I’m not to “hold down the fort” I am to retreat into “The Fort”.  God was to be my Refuge.

So that led me to ask two questions. What is a refuge? And then a refuge from what?

A refuge is a place of protection, shelter, and safety. A refuge would be all of that whether you believed it or not but you wouldn’t go into a refuge unless you believed it to be safe and to do so you would have to trust that it was.  Trust is critical. What is trust? Webster’s defines it as: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.  Do I trust God that He is always holding onto me as He says in Hebrews 13?

“Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” Hebrews 13:5 (emphasis mine)

So believing this, when I feel anything pulling me away from God I don’t try to hold on in my own strength, I just turn to God and run into Him and He is my Refuge. I can do this with a prayer as simple as, “God, I need you.” or “God, I love you.” I must exercise that child-like faith that trusts in my Loving Parent to protect and help me. He is my refuge.

Refuge from what?

So many things! But here are a few that I have discovered most recently:

Overthinking. One time when I had been churning a problem over and over in my mind trying to figure it out and was exhausting myself, I told God I didn’t want to think about it anymore and He told me to think about Him instead and that He was my Mental Refuge.

Worry & Anxiety. No matter the problem I can run to Him knowing that He has the answer, that I no longer have to take care of myself but that He has taken over that responsibility and all I need to do is listen, obey and trust.

Emotional Pain.  Broken heart, hurt feelings, or even over sensitivity, I can retreat to God who will always love me, accept me, comfort me, heal me and teach me.  

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement)” 2 Corinthians 1:3

He is my Source of every comfort!

Criticism and Judgment. Whether from myself or from others when I face criticism I can turn to God knowing He loves, accepts and understands me and He alone knows my heart.  If there is correction to be done God will surely do it, but I don’t need to criticize myself and I don’t need to listen to others who would do likewise, and when that happens I can find refuge in God knowing that loves and understands me.

The most beautiful example that I’ve read of God as a refuge is the story of Stephen in Acts when he was being stoned.

“But he, full of the Holy Spirit and controlled by Him, gazed into heaven and saw the glory (the splendor and majesty) of God, and Jesus standing at God’s right hand; And he said, Look! I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing at God’s right hand!” Acts 7:55-56

My challenge is to retreat into God as my refuge; to do as Stephen did and fix my gaze upon Him. Not holding in my strength but retreating into His. God, thank you for being my Refuge.